I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
