OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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