i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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