the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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