Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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