After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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