I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
