I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
