You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
