Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
