I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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