I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
