She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize