I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
