At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
