a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
two words: eviction party
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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