Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
