not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
