somebody snuck up and got me drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
