I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
