I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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