Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sext me about skeletons
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
