Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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