I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
