I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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