why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
