He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
