my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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