i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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