FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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