The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
