At least make sure they are 18
Why
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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