She said her name was "party"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
