It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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