I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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