I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
