Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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