It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
