Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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