She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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