I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
cat food counts as protein by the way
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
