like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
