Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize