Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
