I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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