I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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