Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
