Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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