u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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