Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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