I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
