My first STD was from a foam party
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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