After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
