Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
