just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
