Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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