if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
