it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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