Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
